I am going to have to go under the knife again. Gone are the dreams of going on vacation to the Caribean, gone are the plans for going to Tokyo this fall, gone are the hopes that I might have a decent summer.
My bones are just not cooperating with me. The surgeon is going to have to break my ankle again. A little background...I was dating a man a long time ago who couldn't keep his hands off of me and not in a good way. The last time I saw him he beat the shit out of me and left me with several broken bones. (He did go to jail) Well, because of my past drug use, the bones did not heal correctly sooo know I'm having problems. I feel so afflicted.
I was really concerned that I would lose my job since I will have been out of work so long. Times are tough and people are laying off. I have been reassured that I am needed and I should go ahead and take care of myself.
I am single(by choice) and you can probably figure out why. I'm not a lesbian but I am not real fond of men either. They are good for a few things though. I know I have males on my friends list and forgive me for clumping youse guys in that. I think of youse guys much differently. I guess I should not say "all" men. Shit, I don't know what I'm saying! What I'm getting at, is it's hard to find people to help out when you can't move. I was very lucky when I had the spine surgery and I hope I am as lucky when it comes to this. My neighbors really stepped up to the plate and I was very grateful for that. My family didn't even send me a card...still a little bitter behind that.
I guess that's enough. I think I've offended enough people today.
I hate being a boss sometimes. You have to reprimand people and take shit that if I was peon I wouldn't have to.
Tell me if I'm wrong here:
I have an agent who complains about everyone surfing the internet when on the phone with a patron. I caught her doing it yesterday and told her it was unacceptable. Her response? "Don't make me laugh"
What to do from here?
1)Write her up for insubordination(or however you spell it)? I'm not really a hard ass.
2)Tell her to fuck off? That is a more viable option.
3)Ignore it now and remember it when I do reviews for raises? That would be the easy way out.
I have been trying to stop smoking but this is reallllly hard. I don't even like the smell of my own smoke and I still do it. The doc has me on some quitting cigarette medicine, but it isn't working very well. I try not to think about smoking and then I end up obsessing about it. Has anyone smoked and quit? My mom smoked for a long time and then quit at about the same age I am. She has emphesyma now and has to live on oxygen. And I'm still smoking!!! WTF!!
Cigarettes are ridicously expensive and harmful, yet....why do I do this to myself.
I don't want to substitute food for it either. I wonder if I should get into one of those support group thingees.
Hello. Um...how is everyone? I haven't been posting because life has had me by the cajones. I've had back surgery and I am out of pain now. No more pain killers(kinda missing that) and no more snobby ass neurological surgeons.
I need a life now. Anyone got any suggestions? My anime fandom has not gone anywhere. I just have new stuff to get excited over, Kuroshitsuji, Natsume Yuuchinchou..wait...they are over and I'm very sad. I hope there will be another season of both. I guess I'll have to see what Tears to Tiara is about and Valkyrie Chronicles.
I did my taxes and I owe the federal government $6.00. I have a good mind to get 600 pennies and put it in an envelope.
What other random stuff can I talk about? Hmm. I'm done.
I took a week vacation and have been sick the entire time. Lost my voice for two of those days and coughed my brains out for the other. Brains at high velocity is no pretty picture. Did that stop me from trying to smoke? Nope.
I was supposed to have a party tonight and I sit here by myself. I've only been on antibiotics for a day and I didn't want anyone else to get sick. I've been miserable. This house could be filled with laughter, the crunching of snacks and the sound of my Dance, Dance Revolution going. But no...I watched movies by myself. Enough of the pity pot.
I did take time out to tell my story at an AA meeting and meet Brendan Fraser. He kind of backed away from me a little when I started talking because I was just getting my voice back. Oh, no, Brendan was not at the AA meeting. I don't want to start spreading rumors. I snuck out to a screening of his movie Journey to the Center of the Earth. The 3D is amazing. The glasses make you look like Buddy Holly, but at least they stay on your face. Brendan is just as cute in real life...he is also taller than I thought. He's as easy going as most of characters as well. Damn, I wanted to jump him. If I had felt better, he would have been in a lot of trouble!!
Back to the AA meeting. Telling my story is getting easier and easier. It doesn't seem to hurt as much either. When I see newcomers realize that there is hope and relate to me, it makes what I've gone through mean something. Did I mention I met Brendan Fraser?
It's 2 in the morning and I've been hacking so bad, can lay down for long. I'm gonna go try again. The cough medicine has codeine in it...I can't tell. It's 2 in the morning and I'm still awake.
I was laying in bed last night contemplating life. I do that sometimes. My take on life is that we are here to touch others hearts and to be touched. I started thinking about times when I might have touched someone and I remembered one bus ride.
I was on the bus and it was raining hard. The kind of rain that renders umbrellas useless. A drenched man got on the bus and proclaimed disgustedly, "I hate the rain!" as he plopped down in the seat in front of me.
I leaned forward and told him, "If it didn't rain sometime,we wouldn't appreciate the sunshine as much"
He turned around with a most perplexed look.
As I got up to leave, he reached out and touched my arm. "Assalamu Alaikum, my sister.('Peace be upon you' in Islamic). I couldn't remember the response, but I knew what it meant and answered in my own faith. "Be blessed". He smiled and nodded and I went on my way.
I truly felt that I changed his attitude that day and perhaps he wouldn't look at rain with such disdain anymore.
I'm alive. Just not going so well. I'm sure noone wants or needs to hear it. I have not drank, not to say I haven't wanted to. Two really cool things are coming up though.
I am going to a private reception with Maya Angelou. I hope I don't make an ass of myself. That woman is an icon to many black women.
I have been asked to speak at a convention in Nashville on our use of the ticketing software we use.
Yes..two very cool and entirely nerve wracking things.
I am still a pervert, I still love anime, I've gotten more into manga, I haven't played my ps2 in many moons and Im probably going under the knife again. Bits and pieces of me are all over Atlanta at this point. My freaking neighbor is going to Tokyo...on a whim..on a freaking whim! Just because some guy is going...she has no idea how much she needs let me go instead. That's all I got.